On Fumes and Fire

It’s a muscle memory of sorts, this letting go.

This feeling seeped in. It was restlessness, boredom, tiredness, lack of motivation, anxiousness, ennui, sadness, lack of focus, a general milieu of crabbiness. Sometimes two naps a day. I remembered the feeling from five years ago, when in 2019 a doctor diagnosed me with a stress disorder and asked the last time I had been on vacation. At that point it…